married women

one of them loves me.

she's just 22. or 23? not sure. cute as cute can be.

two little babies. or is it three? no i'm sure its two. the oldest is almost 2 years old. the youngest a couple months.

yes you guessed it. unprotected sex. of course they were madly in love with eachother. of course they knew it wasnt going to happen - it always happened to everyone else.

but the unthinkable happened. pregnancy test positive. this was 2 years ago.

when i heard they were getting married - or did I hear after the got married? - i wondered. but - we went to a christian school right? honor code and all? no sex before marriage? ha! honor what? every weekend at a different hotel, giving their honor to each other.
so they hung head in shame, didnt tell anyone, got married quick. their love was tested. their love is still being tested. its not easy. being thrust to fatherhood or motherhood at such a young age. maybe getting pregnant is the ultimate test of 'oh i love you baby'. funny how not so cute she looks anymore. funny how disinterested the relationship is now. funny how all you see are their flaws and oh my god what was i thinking?

now he's never home. well hardly home. too busy working. and when he's home, he's too busy working. to talk. to hang out. hell, to even have sex anymore. isnt that the reason why they're in this mess after all? i mean c'mon! i'm your wife dammit. now i'm lonely. 2 babies all by myself.

i'm just 22. i'm not supposed to be feeling like an old woman at this age. i'm supposed to be going out and having fun and enjoying life. i'm not supposed to be stuck home like this.

the decisions we make today, we live with them tomorrow.

anyways, be careful who you talk with, or what you say while you're drunk.

she had a crush on me, i found out. has always had a crush on me from back in college. we hardly talked. i thought she was out of my league. No, i knew she was out of my league lol. plus she was dating my really good friend. what a lucky chap we all thought. snagged her while she was a freshman. really smart move - i may need to pull that one someday. so ya i did not even think of things like that all. i mean she liked me?

she has a crush on me. still does. never went away. a lil bit too much to drink made it slip. i was surprised. i am surprised. but uhm wait really. you have a happy family, facebook said so! beautiful beautiful babies, very very cute husband.

things are never what they seem.

beautiful babies, cute couple. no, i'm not happy. we dont do things anymore together. we never talk, only put on an appearance. i dont think i ever stopped liking you. i want you. NOW.

wait hooooooooooooold up missus. maybe its bed time - you dont want to be saying this and I dont want to be hearing this.

i know its wrong, but its the truth. ive never gotten over you. right from college - even when i was with my bf. till now. its wrong, i know but its the truth.

things are never what they seem. i am not a home wrecker - well i take that back - i have wrecked a non-married couple's relationship to be honest (with good reason honest lol) but i'm not a marriage wrecker. i think you're cute, always have. i'm pretty sure 70% of guys back then were tripping. i'm pretty sure 70% of guys right now are still tripping. i'd put myself in the former category. yes you're cute and all but I wont take advantage of you. i cant do this to you - our friend your husband - your babies - your marriage. hell no.

i wont lie - it was definitely good to know - albeit 4 years later. but i can say this with complete certainty - even though i thought you were cute then and you had a crush on me, and we had both found out - i probably wldnt still be with you. there's more to a r/ship than just looks. no, you are a fabulous person - dont get me wrong. but...idk. no. i cant act on every crush. do you?

damn, maybe this is why i am so single. too picky. for ever alone? i shld just pick one and settle down like everyone else.

lol hell no. good things come to those who wait. or so i keep telling myself. not so convincing now eh? all the good girls are either...well...knocked up...or taken. so who's left?

bleh.
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lol no spell check or anything so forgive typos. that was too serious. let me tone it down a notch. i'll leave you with one of my fav pictures on the internet lol ladies please dont do this to your man

On a lighter note

horrible quality, but i thought this was hilarious. more funny pics to come in later posts. if you cant tell, i'm feeling a tad better today.

in other news - i'm soooooo ready for 3rd year and working with patients and actual people. sick and tired of being sick and tired of studying 24/7, having no life, possible social brain atrophy etc etc

Well here goes nothing

a random moment of inspiration. That will last - 2 minutes? 2 posts? 2 months? 2 years? 2 lifetimes?

Who knows. But for now it exists.

And to kick of the awesome inter-web space of...nothing - here's one of the few videos that makes me pause and think.

But I want to do more than just pause and think. I want to pause...and act. But how?

Edit:

This got me thinking even more. What am I doing with my life? What am I really doing with my life? Sometimes I feel like it is all a waste - going to school for years, getting money to buy fancy stuff, buying even more fancy stuff, spending hours in front of the tv, talking about nothing with friends - dont get me wrong, I love doing those things - but vids like this make me think - and show me how inconsequential my life is. Good god - life really isnt worth living if you're not giving..

Whew! What a depressing first (maybe last?) post! Just had to get that off my chest.